Adult picky-eater coping strategies can get stronger and produce real results, but that doesn’t happen overnight.
Learning to Live With It — Part 3 of 3
I did not wake up one morning and announce, “Today, I am eating a bowl of spinach.”
I am still me. I did not suddenly become the mayor of normal eating. My food list is still a work in progress, but I am learning how to live with it better.
Adult picky-eater coping strategies: I Do Not Owe Everyone My Entire Food History
The biggest change was realizing I didn’t owe everyone a full explanation.
For years, I tried to teach people my entire food history somewhere between the salad and the entrée. I explained. I defended. I pleaded. I provided so much information that I practically needed a PowerPoint.
Short, honest sentences had more power than you would believe. Example – Oh! No, thank you. I am not in the mood for salad today, or I am saving room for the main course, and that looks yummy but I am going to pass.
These are not lies. They are small truths that give people enough information without inviting a committee meeting about my plate.
Made-up stories about allergies or dramatic medical reasons may answer one question, but they can create ten more. Friends and family who truly care may remember the story and worry. It can also make them nervous about inviting you anywhere food might appear.
And food appears everywhere. It is very committed.
Short honesty works better for me.
Then I Became the Person Saying, “Just Try It”
One of my funniest and most humbling lessons happened while I was having dinner with my nephew, who is an even more selective eater than I am.
I ordered rice with my meal. He said he did not eat rice.
And there I was, suddenly becoming the exact person I had complained about for decades.
“What? How can you not like rice? Try it. Just take a bite.”
Then I stopped myself.
There it was—the urge.
It was the same urge my friends had felt with me. I wanted him to try something so he could enjoy what I enjoyed. I wanted to share the meal. I wanted that happy little moment when someone takes a bite and says, “You were right. This is delicious.”
If I, someone who understands extreme picky eating from the inside, could forget and pressure another picky eater, perhaps I could have more compassion for the people who had pressured me without understanding.
That did not make the pressure okay.
It did make it more human.
Adult picky-eater coping strategies For Finding Foods That Work
These days, I handle food awkwardness with less shame.
I order simple foods containing only one or two ingredients. I eat the bread and happily let it take the blame. I pass on what I need to pass on. I do not announce that I am a picky eater unless there is a real reason to share it.
At home, I have also found ways to work with my limited diet instead of constantly fighting against it.
Smoothies have become one reliable way for me to eat more fruit and sneak in a vegetable. I prepare containers with banana, strawberries, pineapple, and spinach. After I add protein powder and blend everything together, the texture changes completely.
That texture change makes the ingredients easier for me to accept.
Spinach has been one of my biggest surprises. I discovered that it has almost no taste when blended with other foods. Eventually, I tried cooking it into eggs, rice, and potatoes and found the texture didn’t bother me there either.
I have also worked peppers, onions, and carrots into my regular diet.
These may not sound like glamorous breakthroughs, and I probably won’t be invited to host a cooking show anytime soon. But they are breakthroughs to me.
Safe Foods Still Have a Place
Experimenting with new foods does not mean I no longer need my safe foods.
Some days, my diet becomes a source of pressure, and I need eating to feel simple again. Crackers are one of my safest options. They quiet the hunger for a little while without creating another struggle.
Chocolate cake is also a safe food.
Is it healthy? I like to think it can be—especially if I indulge only about once a year. Sometimes enjoying a food that makes me smile, without fear or negotiation, is its own kind of relief.
My Palate Is Still Changing
Quitting smoking has also changed things.
After more than 40 years, my taste buds seem to be waking up and looking around. Some foods I once disliked are now surprisingly good.
Salmon. Greek yogurt. Water, of all things.
I used to force myself to drink water. Now I actually enjoy it.
My palate is still changing, and I am grateful for every small surprise.
I know I am at a serious stage in my life. I am in my sixties, and I want my final chapters to be healthy, active, and full of connection. I worry about what a limited diet could mean for my future.
I worry that even if my eating habits do not shorten my life, they could still affect its quality.
But I am also determined.
Adult picky-eater coping strategy Protect Your Peace
To my fellow picky eaters, adults with ARFID symptoms, and anyone living with sensory food aversions: please do not let shame take everything from you.
Learning to protect my plate is another form of setting boundaries without shutting out the people I love.
I know it can take over because I let it drive for years.
Protect your peace. Not every meal needs to become a courtroom. Look for foods you can eat, and experiment when you feel able. If you believe your food restrictions are affecting your health, nutrition, weight, or relationships, consider asking for help.
And to the friends and families of adult picky eaters: I know you want the best for us. Your support can be wonderful, but pressure is exhausting.
Sometimes the kindest response is simply, “No problem,” then letting the meal continue.
If you believe your food restrictions are affecting your health, nutrition, weight, or relationships, you can learn more about ARFID symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment and consider speaking with a healthcare professional.
I am still an extremely picky eater. I still hate parts of it. But I no longer let it decide every invitation, every friendship, or every bit of joy available to me.
For now, that’s progress.
And progress counts—even when it comes with a side of very plain rice.
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